I just came across a cool thing for parents and kids in preparation for Christmas, during Advent. With so much hoopla about shopping, presents, and Santa Claus, my husband and I always wonder what else we could be doing to help focus our family’s attention on the spiritual preparation of Christ’s birth.

Aha…this super cool kid’s advent chain appears like it could really help this year in our effort!
Lisa Hendey’s website provides a printable advent chain to make with your kids.  Every day in Advent there is an activity or a special intention to help steer the focus on what is really important during the Christmas season.  And don’t be fooled…this  can be a tool that everyone in the family benefits from, not just those under age:)

Now, I am not naive enough to think that there is not a possibility that the tears will fall, however, there is a chance that they won’t. This is the place for her. We choose her school carefully and already feel like part of a family. I mean, really how many more weeks will this girl settle for being her younger brother’s entertainment director, at home?

Ok, let’s be honest, this topic is more about what this day symbolizes and less about the logistics.

My baby is growing up….fast! I am not in control of her schedule anymore. I will not know how she will react or feel when someone leaves her out or makes fun of her. God only knows what will come out of her mouth at any given time…, we learned that from preschool. ( I mean really, my husband and I have never said “Yea, Let’s have some beer!”) I only hope our “baby” will make good decisions. Hmmm, I guess the same could be true for any parent who has dropped off their child at college recently, eh?

If anyone should be crying tomorrow, it should probably be her brother who won’t know what to do with himself without having her around! Rest assured, whether I shed a tear, am a babbling idiot or walk away without a second glance into the kindergarten room, I know that this is just the beginning, not the end, of an important phase in my spiritual journey of motherhood. God knows I will be praying all day long tomorrow, for both my daughter and her teacher!

This post is inspired by all the parents saying good bye to their “baby” this back to school season, be it for a few hours or a few months!

You just can’t be mad at that smile!

This weekend my husband and I decided to take the kids to the lake ‘condo’ that their grandparents own so that they can experience vacation at the beach one more time before the hustle and bustle of the school year!

As time went on, my husband  and I looked at each other and decided this was way more work than we would have liked.  Who likes to sleep while on vacation, anyhow? Certainly not any 5 year old I know…or 3 year old….or infant….

My mind automatically went into frustration mode.  They were SUPPOSED to be sleeping. They were supposed to be in a good mood.  They were supposed to not be sassing….the list went on.

Unless I was going to pack up this family of five by myself and drive them home in the middle of the night, I knew I had to change my attitude.

Instead of letting this frustration take a further hold on me, I started to ask myself how my life has become fuller since I have become a Mom.  (Ok, it may sound sweet, but this was NOT easy, at first, while in the middle of frustration station!)

Below is a lesson for each child that came rather quickly once I was in the ‘mode’….

1.  Daughter, age 5.  I prayed for patience before she was born. God gave me her.  I have learned that I do not always listen to what she is trying to say and that I really have to stop what I am doing, kneel to her level and LISTEN so that we can move on, happily, to the next task/activity. She has something to say and I can not brush her off, nor should I, just because I am in a hurry!

2.  Son, age 3.  This boy taught me to let him run and play, get hurt and figure it out for himself.  He does not need Mommy for these things anymore. He wants to be “big” and take care of certain things for himself now.  Until a moment, fleeting as it may be…when he does need me, and luckily I am right there for him.

3.  Son, 5 months.  This bundle of joy taught me that NOTHING measures up to seeing your child look at you then realizing it is his Mommy, and opening his mouth in the biggest smile that a child that size can smile.  No words can describe the feeling I get when I witness him, seeing me, as I walk into his room.

These lessons remind me that my children are not just bundles of frustration and work, when I am in the middle of kid craziness.  This reminds me that they are people, that God gave to me and they have the ability to bring me joy and help me be a better person.

What lessons do your kids teach you?

Kids at this age love to live in the present moment and THIS is why they stress me out!  We just don’t seem to see eye to eye when it comes to the pace at which I would like us to move!

Why am I always rushing around in a hurry? Admittedly,  I feel like I am better prepared for my next step by completing task at hand in an expeditious manner. I feel a rush of excitement when I get more items on my to do list completed.  Basically I think that the faster I move the more I will get done. Easy logic right? This is great in theory…when you don’t have kids.

Once kids come in to the picture….forget it! I am continually learning this painful lesson.  Let’s see…when do I like to hurry them along? I think my average morning goes like this…

“Hurry up, get dressed! Come ON! Let’s go…brush your teeth! Get downstairs, hurry up and eat! Three more bites and you’ll be done…FINALLY!

Now, come ON, don’t spill, and get that bowl to the sink fast! Clean your hands immediately! TURN OFF THE WATER you are taking too long!

Hurry up, get those shoes on! No not like that, switch feet…HURRY! Let’s go, let’s go! .GET . IN. THE. CAR!!!. No not that door…in YOUR car seat! Sit down, hurry up, why are you so slow?”

And this is all before 8am. Why am I in a hurry?

Are my pants on fire? Thankfully, no!

Does  Starbucks close at 8:00 AM? Nope!

Am I running late to work? Nope, not yet.

I am rushing because that is how I always operated…without thinking.

Recently I paused (long enough to really think about this) and realized, I am rushing my kids around for no good reason.  It was stressing me out and teaching my kids to always be hurrying and stressed.

So knowing I had to do something, I took my own advice (Using ‘What If?’ to Your Benefit. ” and asked myself ‘what if” I was NOT in a hurry.’

How would we move?  Would I ever get to Starbucks?  Would we ever get anywhere?  What would the stress level be in the car?  Where would MY stress level be?

When I purposefully decided to slow down (and had to remind myself constantly) I became less stressed.  I was shocked at how difficult it was because I was always trying to hurry things up without thinking! My knee jerk reaction to hurry dissipated the longer I was moving slower….in fact, a person might say I was soon moving according to my kid’s pace…and while that might seem S L O W and unproductive to me…it’s just perfect to them and their little arms and legs! And I became oddly more comfortable with our new slower pace!

Do you find yourself hurrying along, for no good reason? Try to follow your children’s pace, just once,  and see what  surprising benefits may await you!

Out of nowhere, my 2 year old son joyfully exclaims,  “and purple means dance.” I was about to dismiss his comment…..I mean really, where in the world did he see a purple stoplight?  When I thought….why not go along with this?  I replied to him and his sister, “Purple DOES mean dance….how did you know?”

So then we embarked on a joint journey to try and find anything purple so we would have an excuse to dance.  Why couldn’t we make up that rule?  I have always said that it is near impossible to be in a bad mood and dance simultaneously.  So why not dance? And for anyone who knows me…you know we are always dancing in my house!

Within seconds, we were all dancing to the tune of one of Michael Jackson’s classics and giggling the entire time.

What other rules could we create that help our moods? That help us to relieve stress? That help us to capture the present moment and just take a breath and enjoy?  What if you grooved to the tunes when someone honks at you? What if you imposed a rule that every time you hit a red light, you have to sing a favorite childhood nursery rhyme?

It is not easy to do.  I myself can be found guilty of  rolling my eyes at the notion of just “enjoying the present moment’ because it is sooo overused!   HOWEVER…what IF you began to dance every time you saw purple? Sing at red lights? Dance at honking horns? Would it improve your mood? Would it relieve just a little stress?

Is it worth a try?

It is okay to put yourself first every now and then and make sure that you are taking care of yourself so that you will be there for your children and spouse in the long run!

What can changes can you make that may help you get the sleep you need?

I used to laugh and poke fun at my husband who would be wiping down our kitchen counters, while two hungry, crabby kids are begging for to be fed.  He would say, “Ok kids, just wait until Daddy is done cleaning up the kitchen, then I can feed you!”  I laughed and thought, this man really CAN NOT multi task.  Lucky me…I am great at it!

Ha!….the joke was on me!  After too many of these instances,  I stood there, in the middle of the hustle and bustle of multitasking…sweating, frustrating and yelling at my kids, I thought…I got this all wrong! What is so great about being able to do 100 things, with a fraction of focus, at the same time?  Why was I proud of this? I needed to learn from my husband.

For me this means, just because I am physically (mentally/emotionally) able to do something, does not mean I should!

Often times, I am afraid that we book our calendars and fill our days with things that we CAN do. Things that we are able to do…but do we stop and think………SHOULD I do this? Is it good for me/ my family to book this day?

When my husband entered an executive MBA program, our weekends as a family were cut in half.  Every other weekend for 18 months, he would be in school, all day long, 2 days a weekend.  We had a 2.5 year old and a 6 month old at the time.   When the friend and family invitations kept rolling through the door, we had to proactively communicate to ourselves as well as to them…that we would be blocking off a few days every month to do nothing but be together.  We asked them for understanding that if we decline an invitation it was not that we did not want to come/participate..it was just that our family time was a higher priority.  We could have gone to these events.  However, for us, in that time in our lives, we felt that ‘family’ time was more important.

Getting 53 things done at home and work may be possible for us (we are Moms…and are great at multitasking by nature!)…..if we want to run ourselves ragged. …or maybe, just maybe, we could work to tackle one thing at a time and feel a little less stressed and less guilty about trying to accomplish the 40 things that really…do not HAVE to get done at that precise moment.

Do you, proactively, plan periods of time, to do nothing?  Do you have space on your calendar that says something like “sit in the backyard and read”………I challenge you to mark your calendar with more of these “events” so you can experience less stress and enjoy your life just a tad more!

The phrase, “I am trying to keep it in perspective” has come out of my mouth way too often these days. It is not that I am completely loosing it, it is just that I am days, if not hours, away from having my 3rd kid. (This is the second time in a week I write about this, so clearly you know I AM currently struggling a bit with impatience).

Maybe it’s the unknown, the aches and pains or the massive change that my family and I are on the cusp of experiencing that has me so anxious.
Whatever it is, I am happy that my ‘net’ caught me this weekend, so I could turn things around and let go of some of this stress and anxiety. As I regained perspective, I wondered what would have happened if I did not have a net? What if I did not have a system in place that operates automatically, to alert me when I am off track and focusing on the wrong things?

Any woman who has waited and waited and waited to go into labor can hopefully relate to the mind games that occur during these final hours. The emotional toll is almost as trying as the physical one. I have emailed plans A, B and C, to grandparents. My husband is working from home so as not to be too far away if I need him in a hurry. My bag is packed. My husband’s bag is packed. The baby things are washed and set up. With all this preparation it has been a tad trying to focus on other things…BUT…. Just as I was about to loose it… Sunday came, when my family and I head to church. The readings were exactly what I needed to hear. Here I was struggling with so much worry about the future, like;

…When would I go into labor? Who will watch my other kids? How will I go into labor? When will I know what a contraction is? Will I have to wait until mid week to get induced? Will it be a boy or a girl? Will the epidural work this time?….

I was spiraling downward, with stress as my cement shoes; pulling me down. Until I was reminded, “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds in the sky; they do not sow or reap, they gather nothing into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are not you more important than they? Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your life-span?”

This may mean nothing to you, but it was my net. It spoke to my heart and once I read this, I knew that I had lost perspective and needed to take a deep breath and move on. I did not have to worry about such details that have to do with an uncertain future event. I needed to focus on the present and enjoy this downtime with my kids and husband as we wait with joyful anticipation and not stress.
How often do we worry about bills?  work?  family?  the lack of future security? the many ‘what if’s’ of the day? All to let it pull us down a stress spiral? We worry and it affects our mental, emotional and physical health…and if we do not have a net to catch us… we become swallowed in this deep black hole of anxiety.  We become overwhelmed with stress.
What is your net? Can you rely on something, in your life that is there for you automatically, to catch you when you are spiraling? Maybe it is a friend who continuously has good perspective. Maybe it is a book that you turn to in times of stress.  Could it be an exercise program that allows you time to think and regain focus? Maybe it is a faith community that is there for you when you need to be spiritually fed.
Hopefully you have a net and can identify what that is in your life. And if you don’t, think about creating one that can catch you when you are heading towards a downward stress spiral.

Just today, in attempting to take a step back, and gain perspective, I thought to myself, ‘What if God is trying to teach me a lesson to make me a better person and all I am doing is beating my head against a brick wall, wishing for this baby to come sooner than it should?’

This is when I thought about other times in my life, when I was faced with similar experiences…like when I kept praying that the boyfriend I had at the time would just change so we could be together forever and ride off into the sunset together! Though clearly that was not who God had picked for me to spend my life with… years later, I found my husband, who brings out the best in me, is the best Dad is the world and who truly my best friend. I could not have imagined then, what I have now. Lesson learned!
Or, the time when I prayed and prayed for months that my husband would just get the motivation to hurry up and search for a new job so our heavy financial stresses would finally be alleviated and bills could be paid without anguish! Little did I know that the better answer was that our marriage had to go through those tough times and challenges so he and I could learn more about each other, our strengths, communication skills and come out stronger. We wouldn’t change a thing from that time in our lives, as painful as it was at the time!
To me, when I feel impatient and as though I am literally beating my head up against a brick wall, I take a few moments to ask, “If God was trying to teach me a lesson, to help me be a better me, what might the lesson be?” I usually find the answer. Oddly enough that is precisely when doors open and my head no longer hurts from the brick wall.
Ask yourself today, what brick wall are you hitting your head up against? Might there be a lesson that God is trying to teach you today?